We all dream. Some of mine have been a little on the odd side... and some have been a lot on the odd side. These are the ones that stick with you. I had one such dream when I was 13 years old.
In my dream I met a woman, namely TV celebrity Nancy Travis (who is currently Susan Pearson on The Bill Engvall Show, but was Kim Cooper on a short lived sitcom entitled Almost Perfect back in 1996 when I had the dream). Naturally, she fell for me and insisted we get married and move to Switzerland. I didn't have much else going on, so I agreed. While wandering in the Swiss Alps one day I came across this incredibly beautiful, frozen lake hidden amongst some snow covered pine trees. As I wandered out into the center of this frozen lake, watching the fluffy snow flakes fall to the ground, I noticed that I was being watched. On the shore of this lake, standing majestically on a snow covered rock, was the largest mountain goat I had ever seen. Now, I have never actually seen a mountain goat in real life, but I understand that they are large animals, and this one was even bigger than I would expect the real thing to be. Anyway, there he was, like Bambi’s dad, the ruler of all he surveyed - his white hair making him look like the wise, old man of the mountain, and his horns and massive size making him look like the big, mean bouncer of the mountain. At first I was just amazed by the sight of such an animal, but then I was nervous. I don’t know how I could tell, but I knew, with absolute certainty, that this goat was not at all happy with me.
“Get off the ice!” the goat suddenly shouted at me.
“What!?” I shouted back, just as upset about being ordered around as I was surprised by the goat speaking.
“You are too old and too fat! Get off the ice!” responded the goat.
I was dumbfounded. I was neither old nor fat… or at least I didn’t think I was.
“You are too old and too fat! Get off the ice!” the goat yelled again. He continued to yell it over and over again while I stood, paralyzed by surprise and frustration in the middle of this pristine frozen tarn.
My first thought was that I had stumbled upon some mystical place where I was not allowed to be. The goat was simply trying to get me to leave. Then I thought maybe the goat was just concerned for my well-being and didn’t want to see me fall through the ice. As he continued to yell though, all I could think about was how loud and harsh his voice sounded in this peaceful setting… plus, he was just being plain rude. If he really wanted me to leave, there were better ways of doing it. Eventually, I got fed up and told the goat what I thought of him and his shouting – I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I recall it having something to do with the fact that he was just a stupid goat that clearly didn’t know what he was saying.
He didn’t particularly care for this and proceeded to turn into a giant goat-like demon/monster thing (reminiscent of the goat-horned monsters in video games like Doom, but white and fuzzy of course… like the Bumble in that old claymation Christmas special… you remember, the Isle of Misfit Toys, Yukon Cornelius, “Bumbles bounce,” yeah, you remember – but I digress). Needless to say, I was very concerned by this. A chase scene straight out of Tom and Jerry ensued. I was chased round and round this small lake by this large snarling goat-monster. Running on ice is no easier in the dream world than it is in the real world and the creature was ever so slowly gaining on me. Luckily, just as I was beginning to tire, Nancy Travis (who let’s not forget was my wife in this weird little adventure) came over the trees in a helicopter and began lobbing grenades at the monster. To make an already long story just a little bit shorter I will skip over the lengthy amount of time that it took for my fictional wife Nancy, who apparently could fly a helicopter well but must have flunked out of lobbing grenades class, to actually save me. Eventually, one exploded in front of the monster and it fell through the cracked ice. Meanwhile, Nancy picked me up and we flew off into the wild blue yonder… presumably to some castle or something in the Swiss countryside that I would have undoubtedly imagined that I lived in. Then I woke up.
That’s it. That’s where the title of this blog came from. Was it worth the wait? Was it worth reading? I hope the answer is yes, because unless you have a damaged hippocampus (which I would not recommend at all if you can avoid it) you are not going to be able to forget that you actually spent time reading this anytime soon. Good-night and thanks for coming.
In my dream I met a woman, namely TV celebrity Nancy Travis (who is currently Susan Pearson on The Bill Engvall Show, but was Kim Cooper on a short lived sitcom entitled Almost Perfect back in 1996 when I had the dream). Naturally, she fell for me and insisted we get married and move to Switzerland. I didn't have much else going on, so I agreed. While wandering in the Swiss Alps one day I came across this incredibly beautiful, frozen lake hidden amongst some snow covered pine trees. As I wandered out into the center of this frozen lake, watching the fluffy snow flakes fall to the ground, I noticed that I was being watched. On the shore of this lake, standing majestically on a snow covered rock, was the largest mountain goat I had ever seen. Now, I have never actually seen a mountain goat in real life, but I understand that they are large animals, and this one was even bigger than I would expect the real thing to be. Anyway, there he was, like Bambi’s dad, the ruler of all he surveyed - his white hair making him look like the wise, old man of the mountain, and his horns and massive size making him look like the big, mean bouncer of the mountain. At first I was just amazed by the sight of such an animal, but then I was nervous. I don’t know how I could tell, but I knew, with absolute certainty, that this goat was not at all happy with me.
“Get off the ice!” the goat suddenly shouted at me.
“What!?” I shouted back, just as upset about being ordered around as I was surprised by the goat speaking.
“You are too old and too fat! Get off the ice!” responded the goat.
I was dumbfounded. I was neither old nor fat… or at least I didn’t think I was.
“You are too old and too fat! Get off the ice!” the goat yelled again. He continued to yell it over and over again while I stood, paralyzed by surprise and frustration in the middle of this pristine frozen tarn.
My first thought was that I had stumbled upon some mystical place where I was not allowed to be. The goat was simply trying to get me to leave. Then I thought maybe the goat was just concerned for my well-being and didn’t want to see me fall through the ice. As he continued to yell though, all I could think about was how loud and harsh his voice sounded in this peaceful setting… plus, he was just being plain rude. If he really wanted me to leave, there were better ways of doing it. Eventually, I got fed up and told the goat what I thought of him and his shouting – I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I recall it having something to do with the fact that he was just a stupid goat that clearly didn’t know what he was saying.
He didn’t particularly care for this and proceeded to turn into a giant goat-like demon/monster thing (reminiscent of the goat-horned monsters in video games like Doom, but white and fuzzy of course… like the Bumble in that old claymation Christmas special… you remember, the Isle of Misfit Toys, Yukon Cornelius, “Bumbles bounce,” yeah, you remember – but I digress). Needless to say, I was very concerned by this. A chase scene straight out of Tom and Jerry ensued. I was chased round and round this small lake by this large snarling goat-monster. Running on ice is no easier in the dream world than it is in the real world and the creature was ever so slowly gaining on me. Luckily, just as I was beginning to tire, Nancy Travis (who let’s not forget was my wife in this weird little adventure) came over the trees in a helicopter and began lobbing grenades at the monster. To make an already long story just a little bit shorter I will skip over the lengthy amount of time that it took for my fictional wife Nancy, who apparently could fly a helicopter well but must have flunked out of lobbing grenades class, to actually save me. Eventually, one exploded in front of the monster and it fell through the cracked ice. Meanwhile, Nancy picked me up and we flew off into the wild blue yonder… presumably to some castle or something in the Swiss countryside that I would have undoubtedly imagined that I lived in. Then I woke up.
That’s it. That’s where the title of this blog came from. Was it worth the wait? Was it worth reading? I hope the answer is yes, because unless you have a damaged hippocampus (which I would not recommend at all if you can avoid it) you are not going to be able to forget that you actually spent time reading this anytime soon. Good-night and thanks for coming.
2 comments:
4:50am!? You, my friend, have an addiction and it's only day like .3! Glad to see you're enjoying yourself over there...hey, and I'm your first comment! :) It's only fitting.
You finally remembered the woman in your dream's name.
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